The Escalator, the Tea House, and some 3D Porn

Monday, May 23


Before making our way over to Hong Kong Island to ride the world's longest outdoor escalator, we started the morning walking around a little more in Kowloon. Having tried to buy tickets to a film only to be met with the disappointment that comes with the words, "sold out," we were on the look out for other movie theaters while we found our way to the Jade Market.

The Yau Ma Tei Community Centre Rest Garden appeared seemingly out of nowhere, a small park garnished with great big trees in the middle of Kowloon. It was early, but every concrete table was surrounded by men engaged in games, smoking and laughing already.

After a little bit of light people-watching, we set out to find the Jade Market, which wasn't supposed to be far from the hotel. The bright pink signs around the city to point people in the right directions never seemed far, and soon enough, we found the one we needed.

The Jade Market was set up inside two large halls that felt like tarp warehouses, but there was enough along the packed stalls to keep our focus once we were in. Everything from jewelry to carved statues glowed green (and other colors) from the tables, accompanied by at least two voices calling out to us at a time, offering best quality products for the lowest price. 

We bought a few things from this lady, who was kind enough to allow me to take her picture - while her friend at another stall laughed at us. I wasn't sure if she was making fun of her friend for posing, or me for wanting a picture, but either way, we got a cool Christmas gift and were satisfied.

On we walked, taking pictures of everything, from modest entryways to certain sections of town,...

...to delivery men carrying the morning's produce,...

...to more hanging meat, ready for the day.

The Escalator

Once we dropped our purchases back at the hotel, it was time to hop over to Hong Kong Island to seek out and take a ride on the world's longest covered outdoor escalator. The Central-Mid-Levels Escalator is actually a series of escalators that following the steeply slanting streets of the Central and Western Districts, and stretches 800 meters in length, and 135 meters in height from bottom to top. 

The escalator made possible a great vantage point, as we could not only peak into windows of businesses as we rose, but also see way down the crowded streets in either direction.

It's an interesting ride on the way up, but these are one-way escalators, so it's stairs all the way back down. We rode up to the Soho area of Hong Kong and walked along the small streets lined with pubs and stylish bistros. It was all very British-looking compared to the rest of the city, but we were in search of a different kind of lunch spot.

Before most trips, along with researching the sites, we research fun and interesting places to eat. We like to seek out traditional cuisine wherever we go, as well as the quirky and strange. This day we were on the hunt for a tea house we'd read about, a place for traditional dim sum and the chaotic atmosphere this city does so well. Once we found our stop along the escalators, we took the the busy streets. Storefronts were extensions of the shelves inside and side streets were narrow with more tables selling produce, umbrellas, kitchen ware...you name it.

The Tea House

To tell the truth, we'd just about given up locating the place by the address we found online when we stopped to peek inside a place that looked familiar. This was it! And not only had we found the place we were looking for, it turned out to be the same place we'd seen Anthony Bourdain dine in on the Hong Kong episode of No Reservations. (Food Network fans will know his name.) Lin Heung Teahouse was just as hectic as it appeared on TV, but way more intimidating.

When we entered at the ground level, no one paid any attention to us - we must've looked like locals. So we walked up a set of concrete stairs into the main dining room, which was packed with tables, plastic stools, and loads of people. We stood frozen in place, both of us weighing in our minds trying to navigate this room versus turning around and finding a place we knew how to handle instead. But we way never be back here, so we stepped in and started wandering between tables, looking for open seats. After a couple of laps, we were rescued by a server who actually made people scoot over and took a stool from a nearby table to seat us. The first step was done - we were sitting down. Now we just had to figure out how all this worked.

If there were menus, they weren't apparent, yet we saw servers flying by from time to time with steaming dishes in their hands. While we were trying to figure out how to go about getting some food, the man who sat us dropped some plastic spoons, cups, and bowls in front of us, practically throwing steaming water into the bowls, before running off. We stared at each other. Next, a man with small (and full) tea pots came by, sliding one in front of us. We poured ourselves some hot tea and looked around for hints. There were two businessmen sitting beside me who recognized the blank expressions on our faces and reached over to start rinsing my spoon and bowl for me. Ohhh, we're supposed to wash these? We took over washing our utensils and then waited for something to happen we could understand, and then copy.

A woman pushing a cart loaded up with baskets stopped near our table and people started speaking up and handing slips of paper around. We figured out that the slip of paper given to us had all the a'la carte items listed on it for the staff to mark off as you went - who knew? It was all in Chinese :) Everyone seemed to want this one thing that looked like a white bun, so we got ourselves one and started in. They turned out to be barbecue pork inside hot, soft buns and they were magnificent. After that we were ordering plates of various types of dim sum left and right like a couple of locals, enjoying shrimp balls and pork noodle dumplings, along with a couple other things we couldn't quite figure out, but enjoyed nonetheless.

The servers came by often with steaming pots of water to refill the teapots on the tables, and it's no exaggeration to say that the water flew from the spout to the open teapot. We were enjoying the whole thing so much, we forgot that we were the only non-Asian people in the room and drank tea until our bladders were about to burst.



When the businessmen left, they said goodbye in English and were soon replaced by a friendly man
who decided he wanted to help the foreigners. Everything he got from one of the carts he insisted we try, and though it was so nice of him to be such a gracious help, we were stuffed before he even sat down. We re-tasted shrimp balls and sausage dumplings to be polite, then returned the favor when we got our hands on some more barbecue pork buns. By the time we left, we could've rolled down the street. It's hard to say no when you're pretty sure it's considered rude to do so.

Ready to move on, we said our thanks and goodbye to our lunch buddy and took our slip of paper to the cash register near the entrance. Having just left New Zealand where we paid about $40 for breakfast, we were stunned when this fantastic lunch only came to about $15 for the both of us. 

We wanted to check out where the cable car station was that carried people up to The Peak, a complex of shops and restaurants that overlook the city, so we went walking to start burning off lunch. We again found ourselves wandering through tiny stretches of beautiful quiet among the buildings. It was refreshing. With strange, spiky fruit trees and serene little waterfalls tucked here and there, it was easy to forget we were in the middle of a great city.

Once we found the cable car station - and decided to go up above the city at night instead - we began making our way toward the harbor. Chris had read about a place we could go for a good view.

We walked through parks between buildings lined with tables and blue fountains, palm trees and walking paths.


We marveled at the efficient use of the tight spaces within this city and it dawned on me that not once had I felt claustrophobic or crowded here, as I had kind of expected to. Even though the streets were crowded and the buildings close, everyone seemed to exist in their own tiny space and did so in such a harmonious way, you hardly noticed how cramped it all was.

The view from a pedestrian bridge leading to the shopping mall with rooftop view of Victoria Harbour

Cool modern art sculpture outside the mall in a courtyard where people sat for breaks.




Check out this view! It didn't occur to us that the smog might never lift...

Luckily, the rooftop had a bar, so we sat for a bit and had a drink. 

(Can you see the beautiful construction behind us?)

To the left, a pretty reflecting pool along the roof where one can ponder what it might look like if one could see the Hong Kong skyline.

To the right, the rooftop lounge where we enjoyed Chinese beer and a mango smoothie.

After the somewhat disappointing view from above, we decided to see if we could do any better by ferry. We hopped a cheap commuter ferry back over to Kowloon.

The views from the water weren't much clearer, but it was still a fun little ride.

Back on the Kowloon side, we saw the Clock Tower, the only surviving remnant of the original Kowloon-Canton Railway. We grabbed an ice-cream, took a look, and hopped back on the ferry to return to Hong Kong Island to do so more wandering. We also decided to find a new theater for the show we were looking to see, and wanted to buy tickets early to avoid missing our chance again.

With movie tickets purchased, it was time to find some dinner. We walked past all the themed restaurants, offering authentic Italian or American cuisine, and settled on a tiny restaurant that looked like it could seat about 20. I was craving barbecue pork and Chris was in the mood for duck, so it looked good to us. Delighted there was a menu in English, we sat with two women and knew this time to wash our utensils in the hot water provided. Everyone was so friendly, it put me in the best mood. When we left, I was so happy to have gotten just what I'd been wanting, I stopped to take a picture of the tiny place, waving goodbye to the cooks inside. They thought it was funny that I was taking a picture - check out my friend in the lower right part of the picture :)

The 3DPorn

We had just enough time to find our way back to the area of town known as Times Square where we'd bought our movie tickets earlier. Times Square is a major shopping area packed full of buildings that are packed full of shops and restaurants, so it made sense that the movie theater in this part of town would be playing the world's first 3D porn film. We'd heard about the movie a couple of months before our trip, reading that people came from all around to see it, especially from mainland China where such filth would never be tolerated. This movie was clearly a hit, as it was months after its release and shows were still selling out! Excited to share in a first for the world, we collected our 3D glasses and found the right theater, taking our seats in the quickly-filling room. If we were nervous about feeling weird about seeing a porn in a regular movie theater, those nerves were quickly soothed when people of all (adult) ages filled the seats around us. Lots of people were still in business attire toting brief cases, like they'd just come from work to see the film. Soon the lights went down on the packed house settled in to partake in a little bit of modern film history.  

Of course I didn't take any pictures during the movie, but just in case you don't make it over to this side of the world to see 3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy, here's a quick synopsis... (spoiler alert!)

As a conceited scholar of the Ming Dynasty, Wei Yangsheng believes that since life is short, one should pursue the ultimate sexual pleasure while they can. Wei Yangsheng encounters Tie Fei the Taoist priest's daughter, Tie Yuxiang. With the former's talent and the latter's beauty, they fall in love at first sight, and Wei Yangsheng is later married into the Tie's family. You know, it's a simple boy meets girl scenario. Yuxiang is beautiful and young, but her lack of passion cannot fully satisfy Wei Yangsheng's sexual needs. Plus, he's terrible in bed. Becoming involved with the evil Prince of Ning, Yangsheng wins access to not only the Pavilion of Ultimate Bliss and its collection of the wonders of the world, but also to a cave full of super-nymphs who seem to live only to please the Prince's guests. Soon the world's best lover comes for a visit and Yangsheng longs to be tutored by her - this is after the donkey penis transplant and orgy training. He becomes so obsessed with enhancing his love-making skills, his exploits result in divorce. The two lovers, however, still long for one another - it's true love, after all. When trouble follows in Yangsheng's footsteps and his ex-wife is taken hostage while trying to save him, she ends up with a chastity belt that can never be broken and he loses his most prized possession - his penis. In the end, good conquers evil and the lovers are reunited forever. It was campy and funny, but it had a message. The moral of this pornographic story?

  True love is more important than sex.  

And more than that, true love doesn't need sex, as the movie ends with our young lovers wrinkled with age and still madly in love, her chastity belt still in-tact and his penis still, well, gone. 

So forget the four-foot penis that the world's best lover (yes, the beautiful woman had a penis) whips at the audience in all its 3D glory, and the near constant (and boisterous) sex that jumps from the screen throughout the movie, this movie is about the power of love! And with all the hate in the world, who couldn't use another reminder of the importance of love, however it's packaged?

:)