Friday, November 16, 2012

A Letter to Myself

If I were myself and another person, this is something I would say to me from time to time:

Sometimes there are days when there's absolutely no Earthly (or otherwise) reason you should feel down, but you do anyway. Sometimes it's your birthday and you're sad all day for no reason at all, even after you get 50 happy birthdays on FaceBook, a card in the mail, a text from America, and a couple of phone calls. Sometimes you have everything to be happy and grateful for, yet all you want to do is hide in a hole all day. I'm here to tell you that it's okay when this happens.

It's okay because sometimes your body just needs to purge pent up stress and worry and whatever else it's been carting around. It's okay because sometimes everybody has an illogically down day even if Dee isn't a major presence in their life. (Haven't been introduced? Click on her name.)

If you're one of the millions living with their own Dee, having a down kind of day doesn't mean you're slipping again. It doesn't mean what you thought was working suddenly isn't anymore, and it doesn't mean you'll still feel like this tomorrow.

It's okay to feel your emotions, even when especially when they seem completely unfounded and unjustified. It's okay to let them bubble up, because how else are they going to get out and leave you alone? You can't get rid of something inside of you unless you allow it to rise to the surface, after all. It's okay to have a weak moment, a vulnerable moment when no amount of everything will be okaying can do a thing to pull you out of your funk. (It's also okay to pretend it helped.)

You'll be back tomorrow, and if not by then, shortly after. This never lasts, so don't worry about worrying about it because that doesn't accomplish anything except making you feel even worse about feeling bad. You see the cycle..remember when you lived there?

I won't tell you to buck up, and I won't ask you to explain. But I will be around tomorrow to sit with you over pumpkin spice flavored coffee and talk casually how awesome this life is.

Lots of love,
Me


8 comments:

  1. Beautifully written! And something I needed to remind myself of, so thank you. Just to remember that it's okay to feel that way sometimes is a good thing to know. Plus, feeling better over a hot cup of pumpkin spiced coffee sounds amazing! ;)

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    1. I've got the creamer in my fridge - come over any time :) (And thanks.)

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  2. This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you :)

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    1. You're most welcome. I hope it helped :)

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  3. *Sigh,* yes. I just might print this up and hang it in my office just for those days. Fortunately, Dee's visits aren't too often now that the meds are stable...but I never know when she'll pop by.
    Thank you for this.

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    1. Hallelujah for science and medicine - can I get an amen? (Sorry, grew up Baptist.)

      I'm glad it resonated, and sorry at the same time. It's nice to be able to share moments like this and not feel totally crappy about it.

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