Tuesday, May 29, 2012

There is no new beginning...

...without an end.

I've made an important decision recently regarding my professional path, and it wasn't easy. There are four weeks left in this school year where I am, and although last week I lamented this for its length, this morning I did so for its shortness. I will miss these kids.

Last year one conversation with Chris resulted in the realization that although writing has always been an endeared and fundamental part of who I am, I'd never actually looked at it the right way. The right way for someone who claims they want to make a career out of it, anyway. Instead of giving it the respect of a valid career path, I treated it like a hobby, my passion kept to the side as regular life carried on around (and over and in front of) it. Here I've been for over eight years dwelling within the ideal circumstances from which to pursue such a goal, to write, to publish, to succeed, and it's taken me this long to readjust the lens through which I view my world. My critical side sighs heavily at me, exasperated and embarrassed, but another side of me says if this is how long it took, this is how long it took. So be it, let's get started.

I've been working in the school system since 2005, and it's a place I enjoy more days than not because I love my students. Truly. But it's time to bring this chapter to a close in order to begin the next, the one where I create a new workspace in my home, become more involved with the writing associations nearby, and work a normal workday - every workday - at achieving realistic writing goals. I will work with purpose and deadlines, support from the artists around me and eagerness to finally make this love a career. And like I've said before, I may find out I'm not good enough. But I also might find out I am.

A part of me (and not a very quiet part) wishes I could make it work while staying at school, but I know I've got to be in this decision 100%, both feet, submerged. There is a little boy who has stolen a piece of my heart, and I will miss seeing him every day. One of my hopes for him (and for every child) is that he'll have the chance and courage to pursue his own dream one day, so I guess I should get going on mine.

Among others, it will be my goal to blog weekly while I work on pushing myself into some form of publication elsewhere. I'll keep you posted as things go.

This summer will be Spring in my house.

Thursday, May 3, 2012



It's been a while. Again.

I know.

Will I ever get the hang of this time and energy management thing? I figure as long as I'm here, I may as well keep trying.

One month (out of the last two and a half of silence), I was in the States visiting family and friends, and for the past few weeks I've been trying to figure some things out while getting ready for another public reading downtown. With real people. And a microphone, because my voice gets very tiny when I'm terrified. Being sort of a co-leader this year of Writers in Stuttgart, there was a program to be designed and details to organize. Oh, and something to read, I should probably work on that.

In two days, I will gather with artists and other writers in the basement of a small art gallery, Wir Sind Babel in downtown Stuttgart to (hopefully) entertain a roomful of people, hoping the bar has done its duty to properly soften the edges off of everyone's consciousness. There will be art on the walls and authors reading and people looking and me being frightened that I may do something mortifying when it's my turn in front of the mic. But I'm looking forward to it, as always, as I try to be a little braver when it comes to sharing what means so much to me.

In three days, I will sleep in and heave a sigh of relief that I survived, and start looking, really looking at what it is I plan to do with myself as summer looms closer (6 weeks left of school, but who's counting?). And the blogs will pick back up, most likely starting with the amazing time I had between Florida and New York so recently. The beach, a wedding, friends, and family...it was a nice trip.

Until then, I've got some practicing to do, and an office to reorganize.