Tuesday, May 29, 2012

There is no new beginning...

...without an end.

I've made an important decision recently regarding my professional path, and it wasn't easy. There are four weeks left in this school year where I am, and although last week I lamented this for its length, this morning I did so for its shortness. I will miss these kids.

Last year one conversation with Chris resulted in the realization that although writing has always been an endeared and fundamental part of who I am, I'd never actually looked at it the right way. The right way for someone who claims they want to make a career out of it, anyway. Instead of giving it the respect of a valid career path, I treated it like a hobby, my passion kept to the side as regular life carried on around (and over and in front of) it. Here I've been for over eight years dwelling within the ideal circumstances from which to pursue such a goal, to write, to publish, to succeed, and it's taken me this long to readjust the lens through which I view my world. My critical side sighs heavily at me, exasperated and embarrassed, but another side of me says if this is how long it took, this is how long it took. So be it, let's get started.

I've been working in the school system since 2005, and it's a place I enjoy more days than not because I love my students. Truly. But it's time to bring this chapter to a close in order to begin the next, the one where I create a new workspace in my home, become more involved with the writing associations nearby, and work a normal workday - every workday - at achieving realistic writing goals. I will work with purpose and deadlines, support from the artists around me and eagerness to finally make this love a career. And like I've said before, I may find out I'm not good enough. But I also might find out I am.

A part of me (and not a very quiet part) wishes I could make it work while staying at school, but I know I've got to be in this decision 100%, both feet, submerged. There is a little boy who has stolen a piece of my heart, and I will miss seeing him every day. One of my hopes for him (and for every child) is that he'll have the chance and courage to pursue his own dream one day, so I guess I should get going on mine.

Among others, it will be my goal to blog weekly while I work on pushing myself into some form of publication elsewhere. I'll keep you posted as things go.

This summer will be Spring in my house.

1 comment:

  1. this made me think of what you are saying in this post "no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." i don't know who this quote belongs to but it made me think of you. yes try to kick that critic out the back door. i am excited for you and i look forward to seeing more posts from you and hearing about your new adventures as a full time writer.
    xo katy