Even though I love being productive, revel in checking things off the list, when the list gets so big I feel paralyzed to even begin chipping away. While Chris is gone I've got plenty to keep me busy. I'd really love for my house to look nice even when we're not having company. The yard is a jungle in need of some serious work. I have phone calls to make, to our Realtor, a possible new lawn guy, and the dentist. Bills need to be dropped off at the translator's office. I need to make the time to go by and talk to a rep at the University of Phoenix to start gathering information regarding their possible new Masters program here and give that some serious thought. I have new work for a publishing company in the city, my first assignment, about which I'm super excited, but nervous since it's new. There are hotels to be researched and booked for two upcoming concerts we're attending, one in Prague and the other outside of Brussels, in addition to planning out a week and a half in the UK, hotels included.
This is what I'd like to accomplish this week while I've got this extra time with no one to hang out with in the evenings, and I think I can get a lot of it done. Doing so would give me such a great feeling of accomplishment, as these things are growing heavier the longer I put them off. But when I look at it all, I can't even begin. I'll blog about it instead.
In college I tended to let assignments and papers and studying for exams gather and pile until they, too, paralyzed me. I didn't know where to start, so I'd have a little meltdown and do nothing. Enter Chris. I'd call him, crying and listing all I had to get done in whatever amount of time, and he was there fifteen minutes later. Chris has always had a way of taking the tangled up mess of my To-Dos from my frazzled hands and picking them apart, piece by piece, according to importance and deadline, and laying them all out so that they appear far less intimidating. He did that for me many times while we were in school together, and has had an opportunity here and there since then in our post-college life. He amazes me, and this is another reason he's perfect for me; he balances me out when I get out of whack, and I'd like to think I do the same for him. He also does not make lists, which astounds me, but he also procrastinates like nobody's business. Often times in the end it turns out procrastination has worked to our advantage, I'm not sure how, and this only fuels his tendencies. This drives me a little nuts, but to all things there good and there is bad. But I digress.
So I'm sitting here at my laptop wondering what he's up to right about now in Illinois. And missing him a little, having trouble tackling this week's list without him to downplay it and encourage me not to stress. It doesn't actually help, actually promotes more procrastination, which is why his absence may be the perfect opportunity to focus on getting a list of things done. But I miss him, all the same, to listen, however absently while sitting at his own laptop, to my rambling. It enables me to relieve some of the build up and helps me organize my thoughts and my plans. That's why it's sometimes okay - sometimes - that he's not totally tuned in to what I'm talking about. Sometimes I just need to express it, get it out so I can see the words and reorganize them to better grasp what I'm dealing with. Is it just a woman thing?
Maybe I just need to make a calendar for the week and fill in a few tasks each day so that I actually get something done each day, and so I don't feel the pressure to get more done in a day than is necessary. That's where I get overwhelmed. But just as important as it is to check things off my lists, is my need to decompress and just veg out in front of something entertaining on TV at the end of the night. I'm not ashamed to say it, I need a little brain rot time. It helps my mind wind down and start considering sleep, which as I've said before, is a little more difficult without Chris here, even if there is a nice guard dog in the house.
You know...writing tonight's blog post has actually helped me de-stress a little and I've got 45 minutes before my scheduled brain rot time. I think I'll do some edging in our jungle!
It's a wonder, this blog's ability :)