Thursday, April 29, 2010

Aw, crap.

I was talking to my brother on the phone yesterday and I asked him if he'd stopped by my blog, kind of expecting an attempt to explain before a stuttering admission of 'No.'  What he told me was that he HAD been reading every day, but when I went out of town and there was no daily to read, it broke his habit.  I have to say how happy I was to learn he'd even stopped by, as he's not a reader at all.  He said even if I don't have a lot to say, putting up some quick blurb every day would at least give someone who reads the blog something to see when they check, and keep them checking back.  He'd simply stopped checking because he knew I was gone, and life being hectic and especially stressful lately, he wasn't sure how much time had really passed since I left town and he stopped checking in, until we talked.  After that chat I sat at my laptop a while, then decided I was tired and not feeling especially inspired, and turned it off without another thought.

Today, I see that I'm doing exactly what I was doing before, and what I was afraid I'd do if I started a blog.  Not write.  Make excuses.  Allow myself to be lazy when I really have no right to be.  Today, right now I realize my attitude yesterday and earlier today is exactly the reason I committed to the daily blog to begin with.

And I though I'd learned something.

So it turns out that, although I missed it while I was away, taking a break from the blog not only broke my brother Gary's habit, it also broke mine.  So here I go again.  I released myself much too soon from the commitment I made, believing myself to be a faster learner than I am.  This time I'll throw in an actual goal, and once I meet that, we'll see.  Stop, re-evaluate, regroup.  30 days.  No skipping.  

On a more proud-of-me note, I've never been good at sticking to plans I so carefully calculate, but I've said before that this is a different time in my life, and it's time to grow.

So here I grow :)

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